I Gave My Husband a Controversial Christmas Present… Whoops!
Much like Annie Banks from the unforgettable “Father of the Bride” scene, I too found myself frustrated with the gift of a blender. In the movie, Banks, a bride-to-be, contemplates ending her engagement after receiving this kitchen appliance from her fiancé.
With tears in her eyes, she confides in her father, portrayed by Steve Martin, that she’s considering canceling the wedding. To her, the blender symbolized more than just a kitchen tool; it represented a threat to her independence.
This scene struck a personal chord with me, so it was no surprise when my husband reacted in a similar fashion upon opening a Christmas gift I had given him that carried a hint of sexism.
In my defense, my husband is notoriously challenging to buy gifts for. It’s not due to pickiness; rather, he’s profoundly unmaterialistic. He happily wears worn-out shirts and owns only a couple of pairs of jeans. His hobbies, running and biking, are equipped with shoes and a bike already in his possession. While I could opt for accessories, he isn’t interested in complicating his simple lifestyle.
It’s a joy to be married to someone so low-maintenance regarding material possessions — that is, until Christmas arrives and you’re tasked with finding a meaningful gift.
What do you put under the tree for a man who seems to desire nothing? Well, I quickly learned that tools were out of the question, thanks to a lesson learned about a decade ago.
While shopping for holiday gifts on Black Friday, I was busy selecting dolls for my nieces, perfume for my mother, and, of course, a few treats for myself. I had completely filled my cart for everyone but my husband.
When my father, a member of a woodworking association, suggested I help my husband equip his workshop, I thought it was a brilliant idea. Following my dad’s advice, I loaded my cart with wrenches, clamps, pliers, and nail guns. The items felt practical, stereotypically masculine, and were all on sale.
On Christmas morning, my husband and I, newlyweds at the time, settled by our artificial tree to unwrap our gifts. He snagged a sweater I had been admiring and some yoga gear designed to enhance my practice without needing instruction.
Then came my gifts for him. There were at least a dozen, and every single one was a variation of tools.
Initially, he maintained a composed demeanor as he unwrapped each item. But as screwdrivers and handsaws continued to appear, his expression shifted to one of displeasure.
By the time he finished opening everything, he simply asked, “So, are you suggesting I need to do more around the house?”
To be honest, I hadn’t considered the implications of my choices. I knew I needed to get him something — tools just seemed as good as anything else. I assured him that my presents weren’t meant to imply any dissatisfaction with his contribution around the house.
“Don’t you think these gifts are kind of sexist?” he pressed. “This would be akin to me giving you a vacuum cleaner.”
In that moment, I realized he was right. Even someone who appeared to want nothing at all still yearned to be acknowledged during the holiday season.
In O. Henry’s classic tale, “The Gift of the Magi,” the couple — Della and Jim — sacrifice their most cherished possessions to buy each other Christmas gifts. Jim sells his watch to buy Della combs, and Della sells her hair to purchase Jim a platinum chain for his watch. Neither realizes that their selfless sacrifices inadvertently negate the other’s gesture.
The true beauty of this timeless story is not the theme of self-sacrifice — that aspect is tragically poignant. What makes it inspiring is how the characters genuinely see one another. They acknowledge what their partner cherishes, distinguishing them as unique individuals. They do not merely categorize each other, but appreciate one another as complete human beings.
“I’m sorry,” I told my husband that Christmas morning as he gathered his underwhelming gifts and carried them to the basement. He accepted my apology silently, and later, he would brag about how much better he was than I at selecting thoughtful gifts.
The tools remain stored in our basement. Months later, when a vintage doorknob loosened in our upstairs bedroom, my husband used one of the wrenches to secure it. And when the dog chewed through the wire on our screened porch, he was glad to have the nail gun. I’ve had my fair share of chances to utilize those gifts as well.
However, that doesn’t mean they were exceptional gifts.
One of the greatest gifts we can offer to others is to ensure they feel genuinely recognized. No one wants to be seen as a mere stereotype or caricature. In the subsequent Christmases, I made an effort to choose gifts for my husband as an individual. I observed him in stores to note what caught his eye and what he handled. I paid attention to the books he enjoyed and the subtle hints he dropped during our conversations. Even while exploring gift ideas online, I endeavored to remember him as a unique human being. Although gifts may arrive in boxes, people should never be treated as if they are one-dimensional.
