Allison Holker Reflects on Being Exploited in the Dance Community
Allison Holker has bravely shared her experiences regarding the alleged abuse she faced in the dance community during her teenage years.
In a recent episode of “The Jamie Kern Lima Show” podcast, which aired on January 27, Holker, 36, discussed a particularly “traumatizing” passage from her memoir, This Far: My Story of Love, Loss, and Embracing the Light.
Reflecting on a time when she was 17, Holker expressed, “I had perceived my first real moment of feeling taken advantage of. An older man exploited the vulnerability that is often experienced by women, particularly within the dance community.”
She shared her struggles with self-blame during that period, stating, “We look up to our teachers and place our trust in them, but dance can be very physical and sometimes sexual, even for young individuals. It tore me apart for many years. I felt responsible because I wondered how it escalated to that point. I must have done something wrong, and I carried so much shame about who I was.”
Holker emphasized that it took her “many years” to process this trauma.
“I was incredibly embarrassed. To this day, that feeling lingers. I often think, if only I had spoken out for myself, perhaps I could have rebuilt my strength and assisted younger girls in preventing similar situations,” she stated. “I’m proud of who I am today.”
Becoming a mother transformed Holker’s perspective on her past. “For years, I held myself accountable, especially when I had my daughter,” she shared, noting that she has a son, Maddox, 8, and two daughters, Weslie, 16, and Zaia, 5, with her late husband, Stephen “tWitch” Boss. “It became clear to me that I needed to empower her in case she ever faced something similar.”
In writing her memoir, Holker confronted several challenging issues, including the death of her husband. Boss, renowned for his appearances on So You Think You Can Dance and as the regular DJ on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, tragically passed away by suicide in December 2022 at the age of 40.
Earlier this month, Holker reflected on how she discovered more about Boss’ emotional struggles by reading his journals.
“It was incredibly challenging to piece everything together. Through various discussions, even with friends and the insights found in his journals, it became apparent that he faced many challenges in childhood that he never addressed,” she told People. “It’s painful to think that he never confided in someone or confronted those issues in hopes of moving forward. I truly hope that individuals grappling with similar struggles will find their way out of the darkness and understand that they will be okay.”
Despite facing criticism for discussing Boss’s past struggles, Holker stood firm in her choice, stating via her Instagram Story, “My hope is that we will not lose another husband, brother, father, or friend to suicide. I believe that if Stephen had a choice, he would want his story told if it could save even one life. Much love to all who have supported our family through these years.”
If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call or text 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org. For those struggling with substance abuse, please reach out to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357).
