Dave and Lauren’s ‘Love Is Blind’ Argument Raises Ethical Questions About Dating

Is it beneficial to pause dating before embarking on the quest for your soulmate on “Love Is Blind”?

This dilemma is stirring up tension for one couple in the current season of the popular Netflix series.

After getting engaged without ever having met in person, David “Dave” Bettenburg and Lauren O’Brien head off on a romantic trip to Honduras. While relishing a scenic boat ride, they dive into a discussion about O’Brien’s past relationships.

Bettenburg mentions that he is acquainted with two of O’Brien’s exes, but she clarifies that those relationships were never official. Nevertheless, Bettenburg struggles with the knowledge that O’Brien was recently communicating with another man before joining the show.

What unfolds during their exchange, and what insights does a therapist provide concerning this uncomfortable moment? We’re breaking it down for you below.

Lauren and Dave’s Ex Discussion

In a private confessional, O’Brien shares her perspective.

“I was talking to someone a couple of months ago, but I wouldn’t categorize it as dating. Dave has mutual friends with that guy, and one of my close friends lives with him. So I was mentioning names, and Dave was like, ‘Oh, I know him. I see him at the pool quite often,’” she explains.

Back on the boat, Bettenburg expresses that it feels “a little strange” knowing O’Brien’s exes.

“You know of them,“ she clarifies.

“Right, and I hope that doesn’t impact our relationship once we return (home),” he replies.

O’Brien wants to understand why Bettenburg feels this way.

“Is any part of it because you know them and you’re thinking, ‘Why was she into them and not me?’ Or ‘What do we have in common or what sets us apart?’” she inquires.

Bettenburg assures O’Brien that he’s aware she has “been attracted to various types of people” before revealing what troubles him.

“I asked you if you were seeing anyone right before this experiment commenced. Hearing that information kind of made me go, ‘Ok,’” he shares.

O’Brien mentions it took “months” to find out if she was cast for “Love Is Blind” and felt she couldn’t pause her life while waiting.

“I remember thinking, ‘If this relationship develops, I won’t need to look for a fiancé or husband.’ The more time I casually spent with him, the clearer it became that I wasn’t really committed to that relationship,” she reflects.

O’Brien emphasizes she knew the other guy wasn’t “her person” and they “were never officially together.”

“He never met my friends, and I never met his. It was a very laid-back situation,” she adds.

Bettenburg listens thoughtfully, then articulates his confusion.

“It felt different because I haven’t had a girlfriend for about four years. I’ve dated but nothing serious. So, coming into this, I expected everyone to have a similar background and that they hadn’t had meaningful dating experiences,” he explains.

In a confessional, Bettenburg expands on his feelings, saying, “I feel like I’m stuck on the idea of how you transition from being with someone so recently to being ready for marriage. That just seems like a considerable leap.”

This topic weighs heavily on the couple’s budding relationship as they adjust to living together and meeting each other’s close friends. O’Brien’s friends even reassure Bettenburg that the guy she was recently dating wasn’t her official boyfriend.

Insights from a Psychologist

Considering that marriage is the ultimate aim of the “Love Is Blind” experiment, it raises the question: Is Bettenburg right to be concerned about O’Brien’s readiness to settle down?

TODAY.com consulted Kelsey Latimer, a licensed psychologist and the founder of KML Psychological Services, for her perspective.

“From a psychological standpoint, it’s easy to understand why someone like Dave might feel anxious, especially since he clearly questioned about previous relationships and felt his partner was not forthcoming with answers,” Latimer explains.

She advises to be mindful of potential red flags in any relationship and to trust your gut feelings. Yet, she also encourages a “flexible mindset.”

“This involves being receptive to explanations for why someone didn’t disclose information about a past relationship, as it’s possible that their casual dating experience didn’t fit their definition of a relationship,” she notes.

Is it wise to take a dating break before joining ‘Love Is Blind’?

Much like relationships, the answer isn’t straightforward.

“In everyday life, people frequently date before they meet ‘the one,’ so that’s entirely normal. The distinction here is that participants on the show are essentially declaring, ‘I’m going to find my partner here.’ Thus, dating outside of that context warrants additional reflection,” Latimer points out.

She suggests that stepping back from dating before participating in “Love Is Blind” is a “sound” approach.

“Taking time away from dating can foster clarity, allowing for meaningful self-reflection and emotional awareness as the experiment unfolds. Engaging in dating during this period could easily serve as a distraction,” Latimer adds.

Ultimately, individual circumstances vary, so there’s no universal solution for preparing to join “Love Is Blind.”

“There are definitely instances where it’s not necessary to take time off before re-entering the dating world, particularly if the prior relationship was casual and there were no lingering emotions,” Latimer states. “However, I believe it’s often crucial to have some distance between a serious relationship and a potential new one.”