In My Marriage, It’s the Small Things That Make the Biggest Difference

While some husbands bring home flowers, mine sends me memes — adorable puppy ones; amusing pickleball ones; silly dad joke ones. They pop up in my Instagram DMs at unexpected times, exactly when I could use a lift, a chuckle, or a gentle nudge to remember that life isn’t all about struggles.

Many wives lean towards more tangible gifts of appreciation (a friend in her second marriage just received a Birkin bag). However, after 27 years of marriage, I yearn for those little, consistent gestures that confirm he still cares deeply. What else could explain him sharing a reel advising me against reheating cooked rice? He loves me, he really, truly loves me!

The phrase “micromance” has been trending on social media, and Bumble has listed it as one of the dating trends for 2025. Micromance stands apart from grand romantic gestures; it focuses on what happens when others aren’t around: holding hands, truly listening, letting each other vent, or simply coexisting without judgment. In my case, it means watching football every Sunday since my husband enjoys it. Could I name another Chiefs player aside from Taylor Swift’s boyfriend? Not really. However, feeling a bit confused (and slightly bored) is a small sacrifice for his happiness. Plus, we get to snuggle on the couch for three hours (a win-win situation).

Not only do I grasp the idea of micromance, but I’m also living proof that it’s pivotal for keeping the romance alive. Sure, he might not shower me with Tiffany jewelry like he did when we first started dating, or whisk me away to fancy restaurants. But that’s perfectly fine. At 28, with him at 31, extravagance was the goal when it came to gifts. We were trying to dazzle each other, advance our relationship — showing, rather than telling, that we were fully committed.

On my husband’s 32nd birthday, I surprised him with a backstage tour of Les Misérables on Broadway. He gifted me a Cartier watch for my 30th birthday and took me to a charming French bistro. It was all exceedingly grand. But today, I appreciate the quiet signs that show he understands me better than I understand myself. Who else would send me the latest Starbucks drink menu or a link to an Air Supply concert?

Experts assert that acts of micromance can significantly enhance both fresh and enduring partnerships. “Love thrives in the small, everyday moments,” relationship therapist Sofie Roos tells Today.com. “People desire love daily, and they crave its authenticity. Our true feelings for one another are revealed in those little details.”

Over time, these small gestures foster trust, emotional closeness, and form a solid foundation for a deeply satisfying and genuine relationship, says life and relationship coach Michelle Shahbazyan. “As living costs increase, there’s a cultural shift towards discovering more meaningful methods to express love,” she explains. “While gifts are still nice, thoughtfulness and continuous attention to affirming a partner’s presence not only strengthens the connection but also nurtures positive feelings about oneself, one’s partner, and the relationship.”

Micromance involves keeping your relationship at the forefront of your mind rather than letting it linger in the background, explains Raffi Bilek, author of The Couples Communication Handbook: The Skills You Never Learned for the Marriage You Always Wanted. “There are countless ways to integrate this into your routine,” Bilek shares with Today.com. “Spend a few minutes together over your morning coffee. Give your spouse a playful pat on the backside as you walk by in the kitchen. Remember to thank them for the little things they did that day. Anything that fosters a moment of connection, even if brief, helps keep the relationship vibrant.”

For me, it’s about neatly folding my husband’s laundry instead of tossing it onto the bed. It’s giving his shoulders a massage after he’s been hunched over his computer all day or whipping up his favorite meal (pesto chicken pasta) just because. He often saves articles I think I’d enjoy from newspapers and swaps out the kitchen paper towels without being reminded. He’ll take the dog for a walk and tiptoe quietly around the apartment to let me sleep in on weekends. When he empties the dishwasher or scrubs the pots and pans, I fall for him even more. There’s nothing quite as appealing as a guy washing dishes.

Last summer, he visited a farm stand and surprised me with sunflowers. I was so moved that I started to cry. I had just traveled four hours by bus from the city to meet him at our summer retreat. It was an incredibly hot holiday weekend, and he wanted to do something small to express his gratitude.

The gestures continue. He offers me a piece of his personal pan pizza and half of his dessert — even when he really craves that last bite of cheesecake. Though they may seem insignificant, these little things accumulate to make me feel cherished, esteemed, and valued. You can keep your diamonds and high-end handbags — I would much prefer a phone call from the grocery store: “Do you need anything while I’m here?” That, without a doubt, is true love.