Relationship Expert Shares the Key to Keeping Romance Alive After Having Kids

Hey there, farewell to romance.

This is a common perception of what many couples experience after welcoming children, and research indicates that there is some validity to it: Couples tend to report a decline in happiness with their partners post-parenthood.

However, it doesn’t have to be the norm, as stated by Beth Goss, a parenting and relationship educator affiliated with the Gottman Institute in Seattle. There’s one straightforward action you can take to maintain the love—don’t worry, it’s not just about “date night.”

“A frequent shift that occurs after a baby arrives is the transition from soulmates to roommates. Suddenly, the focus shifts to task division, which isn’t what initially bonded you,” Goss explains to TODAY.com.

So how can you return to that soulmate connection?

According to Goss, the key to sustaining romance after having kids lies in the small, thoughtful acts.

“It’s the little things, like coming downstairs to see your partner has put away the laundry or tackled a chore you dreaded—those actions can serve as foreplay. They set the mood,” Goss clarifies.

Goss’s husband, Timothy, has been unloading the dishwasher for three decades, and she always acknowledges it.

“Often, we recognize what our partner does but fail to express it,” Goss points out. “You should highlight the things you appreciate—‘You look adorable playing with the baby,’ or ‘Thanks for unloading the dishwasher.’ Constantly hearing compliments about yourself? It feels wonderful and significantly impacts the relationship.”

Even though Goss’s children are now 24 and 28, during their younger years, she and Timothy adopted a division of responsibilities on weekends.

“We ensured each other had time to engage in activities we enjoyed,” Goss shares. If weekends are too busy for your family, she suggests carving out time for each other during the week.

“For instance, ‘Every Tuesday is your night, and I’ll take care of dinner, bath time, and everything else,’” Goss suggests. “This is another way to show your partner they are valued and appreciated. Such gestures contribute significantly to desire.”