Valerie Bertinelli’s Quotes on Marriage and Divorce from Her Book
Valerie Bertinelli did not shy away from discussing her romantic journey in her latest memoir, Getting Naked: The Quiet Work of Becoming Perfectly Imperfect.
“I could never decipher the puzzle of enduring love. Romance has always been a challenge for me; it’s often felt downright chaotic,” shared Bertinelli, 65, in her book, released on Tuesday, March 10. “It’s like a complicated math problem — love, marriage, divorce — and math has never been my strong suit. Marriage? Even worse.”
Bertinelli experienced two public marriages. She married the late Eddie Van Halen in 1981, and they shared more than two decades together, welcoming son Wolfgang Van Halen before their separation in 2007.
“Ed and I remained on good terms during even the toughest moments of our separation,” she noted in her memoir, emphasizing the love they held for one another right up to his passing in October 2020 at age 65.
Kevin Winter/Getty Images Valerie Bertinelli is reflecting on the more challenging aspects of her relationship with her late ex-husband, Eddie Van Halen. After watching their son Wolfgang Van Halen’s Behind the Music episode, which explored his bond with his father, Bertinelli, now 64, took a moment to contemplate their marriage and the insights gained from her son’s perspective.
In contrast, Bertinelli didn’t share the same affection after her second marriage ended. She married Tom Vitale in 2011, parting ways more than a decade later in 2022.
“How could I continue to feel love for Ed even after our divorce yet feel indifferent — neither positive nor negative — towards my second husband after fifteen years together?” Bertinelli pondered. “I hope that changes with time. I sense myself softening. I’ve reached a state of indifference and grace, which is much healthier than holding onto resentment.”
Continue reading for Bertinelli’s reflections on her marriages and divorces from Getting Naked:
Her ‘Model’ of Love
Bertinelli shared that she is “the child of parents who hid truths from each other and us,” emphasizing the “dishonesty” present in her parents’ marriage.
“I may not have known the specifics, but like many children, I felt it. And as a two-time married and divorced woman, it has influenced my relationships,” she wrote. “I find intimacy difficult and struggle with trust. Alternatively, I can be too trusting, holding on far too long. I have loved deeply. I think I’m ready to love again.”
Having Love for Eddie
Even after their divorce, Bertinelli and Eddie maintained a bond filled with love. They reconciled before his death.
“He wanted to make things right with me, as well,” she wrote. “I was told that every time I exited a room, he would look around and say, ‘The biggest mistake of my life was letting her go.’”
The Downfall of Her 2nd Marriage
Bertinelli recounted hosting “several” seasons of Valerie’s Home Cooking on the Food Network — running from 2015 to 2023 — while her marriage to Vitale was crumbling.
While “no one knew” about her struggles at the time, she can identify those moments now. “I can see, when watching old episodes, that chopping onions wasn’t the only reason for my tears,” she wrote.
Valerie Bertinelli has navigated numerous romances publicly. Perhaps her most notable relationship was her marriage to the late rocker Eddie Van Halen, which lasted over two decades before their split in 2007. Bertinelli openly discussed their relationship after viewing their son’s episode.
Bertinelli shared that drinking became “a means to escape” as her relationship with Vitale deteriorated. (She has since quit drinking.)
“Drinking was a way to evade the stress, disappointment, and pain in my life,” she reflected. “Eventually, it became a means to avoid those realities altogether.”
The Love Between Valerie and Tom
Her divorce from Vitale “hit so hard,” Bertinelli recounted.
“I thought my relationship with Tom was love, but after our split, I found myself questioning its authenticity. I doubted my own feelings,” she wrote, reflecting on the anger she felt at the end of her second marriage.
What Happened After Her 2nd Divorce
Bertinelli explained that she had to choose between “obsessing over my weight and body” or confronting “the hard facts” in her life.
“Once my second marriage ended, I realized something had to shift, or I was destined to become an unhappy older woman — and what is the point of that?” she elaborated.
