Ben Stiller Opens Up About Parenting Regrets in Interview with Stephen Colbert

Ben Stiller is contemplating how his children are facing similar challenges he encountered while growing up with a well-known father.

During his appearance on the Thursday, October 23 episode of The Late Show With Stephen Colbert, Ben discussed this realization stemming from his work on the documentary Stiller & Meara: Nothing Is Lost. The film explores the marriage and careers of his parents, Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara, as a comedy duo, alongside Ben and his sister Amy Stiller’s upbringing.

“For us, growing up around my parents, our lives revolved around that,” Ben, 59, shared about his experience with famous parents. “My children are experiencing the same situation. I faced many issues… with my parents often away for work and their focus being on it.”

Ben pointed out that his parents’ work often took precedence, a common sentiment expressed by his children Ella, 23, and Quin, 20, regarding their own childhoods.

“They had to travel for shows or were writing. Even at home, they were working in another room,” Ben said. “When you have creative or passionate parents, that can draw them away from family life. Everyone has to grapple with some version of that, and what I’ve learned while talking to my kids during the documentary is that they experienced the same issues with me that I had with my parents.”

The Zoolander comedian acknowledged that some of the parallels didn’t become apparent until he began making the documentary.

“There’s a moment in the film where I discuss how Dad would get approached by fans on the street, and my son interjects, ‘Yeah, that just happened to me last week with you,’” Ben recounted to Colbert. “I was like, ‘Oh wow, that caught me off guard.’”

Earlier in the conversation, Ben expressed his regrets about not making the documentary while his parents were still alive to learn more about their relationship.

“As I started this project, I thought, ‘I should have done this while they were alive,’” he reflected. “But sometimes, having your parents around makes it hard to gain that perspective; daily life just gets in the way.”

After their passing, Ben felt motivated to create the documentary as a way to honor them and process his grief.

Ben and Amy were inspired to produce the film while preparing to sell Anne and Jerry’s home following their deaths in 2015 and 2020. The documentary features interviews with Ben, Amy, Ben’s wife, Christine Taylor, and their kids, Ella and Quin. It also includes home videos, clips from Jerry and Anne’s past talk shows, and recordings of conversations between the Stillers throughout their lives.

The film showcases both the highs and lows the family faced over the years, including Anne’s struggle with alcohol addiction. Ben admits in the documentary that he felt resentment towards how his father coped with his mother’s drinking issues during his childhood. (He later confirmed in 2023 that Anne eventually achieved sobriety through therapy.)

“When [my mom] was drinking, my dad never really knew how to handle it,” Ben explains in one segment. “I think he loved her deeply and was committed to her. Their act and partnership were pivotal, so he had to figure out how to manage that alone. I think I resented him for not addressing it with us.”

Ben also discusses how he fell into similar patterns as his parents, despite his desire to avoid their mistakes, occasionally feeling absent in his children’s lives as they grew up. He shares that Ella doesn’t “ever” recall him being present during her early years, which Quin echoes, admitting that being a father often felt like it was “last” on Ben’s list of priorities.

When Ben recalls a moment with his father expressing feelings of neglect, only for Jerry to engage with a fan on the street, Quin notes that similar situations have arisen for both him and Ella.

“Not long ago, we were dining at a restaurant, and I was stressed about college. People asked for a picture with you, and I felt so frustrated, thinking, ‘Why can’t the world just pause for this picture?’” Quin reflects, to which Ben agrees.

Ben also shares his regret over excluding a then 8-year-old Ella from his 2013 film The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, calling it his “worst” mistake. In a recent interview with Howard Stern, Ben reiterated that it “damaged” their relationship “for years.”

“She was 8, Howard. She was 8,” Ben said, burying his face in his hands. He added, “It was a crucial lesson for me. If you’re going to involve your child in something… make sure they’re in a scene you’ll never cut, come what may.” (Ella has since collaborated with her father on multiple projects, including the latest Happy Gilmore 2.)

Despite the challenges, Ben affirms in Stiller & Meara that he maintains a “strong” bond with his children, though he finds it difficult to avoid repeating the same mistakes of his own parents.

“It’s complicated and at times strained,” he admits. “When they were younger, I didn’t grasp it. I thought, ‘The kids are young, I can work hard and still be a good provider.’ But those early bonds with your children hold immense importance.”