Sandy from The Ultimatum Updates on the Current Status of Nick and J.R.’s Relationships

Alert: This article contains spoilers from the Season 3 finale of “The Ultimatum.”

The third season finale of Netflix’s “The Ultimatum” wrapped up with surprising breakups and two significant proposals.

Amid a season filled with four early exits and a tense confrontation among contestants, the finale, available Dec. 18, included one more shocking moment that took a cast member by surprise.

On “Ultimatum Day,” the final day of the experiment when couples must choose to separate, get engaged, or leave with a new partner, viewers saw Nick Tramontin and Sandy Gallagher reflect on their tumultuous experiences throughout the season.

Throughout the experiment, Nick, who placed the ultimatum on Sandy, struggled while she formed a close relationship with fellow contestant Jon Richard “J.R.” Warren. Meanwhile, Nick dealt with his feelings alone after his trial marriage partner, Vanessa Hattaway, exited the process in Episode 4.

Sandy shared with TODAY.com that Nick navigating the process by himself was “detrimental” to their relationship, which never truly healed when they came back together for their trial marriage.

“It damaged the entire experience and my relationship with Nick,” she revealed.

Reflecting on her time on the show, Sandy acknowledged, “Perhaps Nick and I should have left. We should have walked away because it was incredibly challenging, and events unfolded in a manner we had never navigated before.”

Even though they repeatedly expressed love for one another, Sandy informed Nick on “Ultimatum Day” that unresolved issues still lingered. Ultimately, she chose to leave alone after he seemed to reach for a ring, indicating a proposal.

However, Sandy told TODAY.com that wasn’t quite how it had unfolded. Below, she recounts her perspective on their breakup, discusses fans’ reactions to her “superficial” relationship with J.R., and shares any communication with him or Nick since filming concluded, including unaired discussions and her greatest regrets.

TODAY.com: What prompted Nick to suggest you both participate in the show?

Someone reached out to me initially, and I initially declined, stating, “Nope, that sounds too intense. I don’t think we’re at a stage in our relationship where engagement is on the table.” Nick was very eager and responded, “Actually, I would really love to do this with you.” We approached the process quite casually, and it just happened. I genuinely believe that everything occurs for a reason.

Upon arrival and meeting the other couples, did you second-guess your decision to join the show?

Absolutely. I believe everyone contemplated leaving at various points. It’s a tremendously challenging process, especially since moving in with a trial partner involves being away from your actual partner while juggling their emotions. It’s tough. There were numerous occasions where I considered leaving as well. However, when we committed, I told myself we were in this together, perhaps a bit too strongly. There were moments when Nick and I probably should have exited the experiment. It became exceedingly complex and unfolded in ways we hadn’t anticipated, leaving us unsure how to navigate it, and production was equally unprepared.

Let’s discuss those trial marriages. Viewers observed two couples departing during that phase. How did you learn about their exits? What was your reaction knowing Vanessa was no longer with Nick and he would have to continue as a solo trial partner?

It was incredibly upsetting and stressful. We were left wondering how it would function with Nick by himself while I was paired with J.R. That seemed like a recipe for disaster. Nick and Mariah also had the choice to pair up, which I think would have been wise, as it was detrimental for Nick to be entirely on his own during that time. We weren’t supposed to be in touch, which only caused chaos. I genuinely wanted Nick to have that experience, as I was curious to see how I felt with him in a trial relationship. He and Vanessa shared a genuine connection. I can only speculate what might have happened had she stayed. The experiment took an unexpected turn.

After learning about Vanessa’s departure, were you more open to talking with Nick, or had you two already been checking in with each other?

I was communicating with Nick. We had seen each other a few times and talked extensively about everything. I ensured he felt supported. However, once in trial marriages, you’re immediately separated from original partners. It involves navigating those emotions before returning. I was trying to convey, “We’re in this for the second half.” Unfortunately, the trial marriage experience irreparably damaged our relationship and the communication started to deteriorate rapidly on his side, necessitating me to establish boundaries that he didn’t respect.

One such incident involving boundary infringement occurred when Nick visited your apartment with J.R. Had you ever witnessed that behavior from him before?

I have witnessed that pattern before in our relationship. I understood the emotional, mental, and physical state he was in, and I had learned to disengage during those moments. His actions led me to refrain from speaking to him. He was intoxicated and emotional, and what viewers didn’t see was him calling me over 100 times that night before arriving at the apartment. His behavior made it nearly impossible for me to detach from it. I recognized those signs from previous experiences.

As Nick approached the door, J.R. insisted on answering first. They ended up arguing over me, a situation I had never encountered before, but I was aware of Nick’s emotional state.

During the “Changeover,” Nick mentioned apologizing to J.R. during guys’ night but also implied that your communication contributed to his emotional state. What was your reaction?

It has been a learning experience for me in setting and maintaining boundaries. I had specific boundaries about how our communication affected my emotional well-being. It’s challenging for viewers who don’t witness everything, as most of it happens off-screen. I never intended to neglect someone I care deeply about in their time of need. Throughout our relationship, I’ve tried to be there for Nick, hoping we could manage it together. However, navigating those emotional moments was tough. I learned a great deal about establishing and adhering to boundaries through this experience.

You mentioned viewers missing significant moments. Fans have also pointed out the perceived lack of depth in your relationship with J.R. How do you feel about J.R. and what do you believe viewers missed?

Viewers lack a glimpse into my emotional and mental connection with J.R. They primarily see the flirtatious side, which overshadows the deeper discussions we had, which are not shown. I understand why people perceive our relationship as superficial. However, J.R. and I have many commonalities. Our first conversation was striking, given our shared roots in Philadelphia, attending the same random college, and having similar spiritual beliefs and goals. I’ve probably shared more with J.R. than with anyone else.

When you and the other women gathered for girls’ night, you spoke with Zaina Sesay about your relationship with J.R., explaining it was more of a friendship. When he heard that, he mentioned you were being courteous. How did you view him at that time? Did you ever consider leaving with him?

I wouldn’t entirely label it a friendship. I aimed to clarify that this was not a conventional relationship due to the nature of the experiment. While we held genuine attraction and connection, I felt compelled to reassure Zaina that we wouldn’t leave together. I shouldn’t have said anything; it wasn’t needed. During the girls’ night, Zaina and I profoundly discussed it off-camera, and she understood my perspective, although it may not have been my place to express it. It’s important to note that when I mentioned “hooking up,” I referred to something more than the couple of kisses we shared, as definitions vary.

Now, regarding the finale. On ‘Ultimatum Day,’ you seemed surprised when Nick reached for an engagement ring. Did you anticipate a proposal?

In the lead-up, we had mutually agreed that it wouldn’t be wise or responsible to get engaged at that moment due to the many unresolved issues between us. Nick had told me he wouldn’t be proposing, so when he reached into his pocket, I was taken aback. That’s when I asked, “What are you doing?” since I thought he wasn’t planning to propose. He wasn’t aiming for a ring; he sought something else entirely.

What are your thoughts on handling that moment?

It was incredibly tough and honestly heartbreaking. I shared such a special bond with Nick and our connection ran deeply, even if it didn’t appear that way. Anyone who truly knows me or understands our relationship is aware that love was never the issue. The bond we had was deep and sincere, but life circumstances created barriers. “Ultimatum Day” felt like the final chapter, and we both sensed it. It’s challenging to part with someone you love while knowing they aren’t the right partner for you. This process accelerated our understanding of that reality, illuminating things that might have emerged later down the road. What we uncovered in two months might have taken two years to realize outside this experience. We gained clarity, but it wasn’t the conclusion we had hoped for, making it a peculiar and painful journey to reach.

How was your relationship with Nick after filming concluded?

It was a genuine breakup. Like any relationship, ending requires a form of separation. Emotionally disentangling from someone you’re closely tied to is never straightforward. While it took some time, I felt this compelling urge that we needed to part ways; this relationship wasn’t the right fit for me anymore. We still supported one another in many ways, and I’ll always carry love and care for him as an individual. That sentiment extends beyond the confines of the show.

Did you communicate with J.R. after filming ended?

No, J.R. and I did not have any communication once the filming wrapped up. It was a mutual understanding, which we had discussed during our trial marriage. That’s why I felt confident telling Zaina, “This is not a real relationship.” I approached this experience wholeheartedly but realized it was an unnatural situation that wouldn’t occur in real life. Thus, I didn’t intend to carry it beyond the experiment. Out of respect for Nick and Zaina, we never pursued anything further.

You noted earlier that you understood why some chose to withdraw from the experiment. Do you harbor any regrets about participating?

I have numerous regrets and lessons learned throughout the entire experience. This realization struck me in the past year; I can now clearly see the mistakes I made. I acknowledge I failed to respect myself and Nick sufficiently. I carried a sense of resentment from our relationship into the experiment, which is evident to me now. Regardless of what transpired between us, I never want to approach my partner or myself in such a way. Leaning too quickly into my connection with J.R. felt inappropriate. While it wasn’t outright wrong, it didn’t align with my heart and standards; I believe it lacked respect for both Nick and Zaina. In hindsight, there are many actions I would have changed.

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.