What is Floodlighting? Understanding the Dangerous New Dating Trend

A new week brings a new dating trend, and the latest sensation sweeping social media platforms like TikTok is called Floodlighting.

This trend does not involve massive lights brightening up a sports arena or concert stage; rather, it signifies a situation where individuals reveal too much personal information too quickly to prospective romantic partners.

Recently, Emma Kobil, LPC from Mindful Counseling, has observed an increase in clients grappling with what is now termed “floodlighting” — the tendency to disclose deeply personal details early in a relationship.

“This idea resonates with many people—especially those with unresolved traumas—who yearn for profound connections but aren’t sure how to cultivate them safely,” she mentions.

“I’ve noticed this trend in dating where an individual, eager to connect, shares something intensely personal right from the start, hoping to foster closeness. Unfortunately, this can catch the other party off guard, leading to pressure rather than connection,” echoes Sarah Hodges, LMFT, Therapy Network Manager at Headspace.

So, how can you recognize floodlighting, and why does it pose a challenge for emerging relationships? Continue reading for insights from experts.

What is floodlighting?

Kobil describes floodlighting as the act of sharing highly personal and emotional information early on in a relationship, prior to establishing trust and intimacy.

Hodges observes that platforms like TikTok have normalized the oversharing of personal details; however, real-life connections require time to foster, and regards this dating trend as an intriguing change in dating culture. “I believe more individuals are starting to recognize the effects,” she adds.

The effects aren’t necessarily positive: “While this kind of sharing may seem like a shortcut to intimacy, it often overwhelms the listener, making the connection feel intense but unstable,” states Kobil. “In contrast to intentional vulnerability, which evolves over time and is reciprocal, floodlighting is frequently one-sided and can sometimes drive the other person away,” she continues.

Although floodlighting often springs from a sincere place, it can backfire by inundating the other individual. “Rather than allowing trust to develop organically, it feels akin to skipping straight to the most intense segment of a relationship without a solid foundation,” notes Hodges.

Why do people engage in floodlighting?

Hodges believes that many instances of floodlighting stem from an anxious attachment style, where individuals seek immediate confirmation of acceptance, flaws included. “Some people don’t even recognize they are engaging in it. Often, it serves as a way to gauge a new partner’s emotional availability—like discussing childhood trauma or deep-seated insecurities on a first or second date, hoping for reassurance,” she adds. Vulnerability is beneficial, says Hodges, but relationships flourish when both parties reveal themselves at a naturally comfortable pace once a secure emotional base exists.

What to do if you find yourself floodlighting

We’ve all slipped up in the dating game at different times in our lives.

If you catch yourself floodlighting, Kobil suggests asking, “Am I sharing this to foster connection, or am I seeking reassurance?” Engaging in therapy, particularly trauma-focused methods like EMDR or IFS, can assist individuals in decelerating, fostering internal safety, and cultivating relationships where vulnerability is mutual rather than overwhelming, she advises.

Hodges likes to remind her patients that forming emotional connections is a marathon, not a sprint. “Taking the time to allow trust to develop naturally leads to stronger, healthier relationships,” she states. “Your first date should feel like a conversation, not a therapy session.”