What is Zombieing? Experts Explain This New Dating Trend

We’re not just referring to horror films and end-of-the-world narratives. “Zombieing” has entered modern dating lingo, introducing a fresh twist on the concept of ghosting.

“As dating becomes increasingly digital, individuals are navigating relationships in innovative (and sometimes frustrating) formats, including exes and former flings suddenly reappearing,” explains Claudia Giolitti-Wright, MA, LMFT, from Psychotherapy for Young Women in New York City.

As Shan Boodram, Bumble’s expert on sex and relationships, illustrates, if ghosting is when someone abruptly vanishes without any explanation, “zombieing” refers to the ghoster making a comeback.

“Zombies can take various forms: liking your Instagram stories after going quiet, texting to say they miss you after weeks of ignoring your calls, or commenting on your posts while leaving previous messages unanswered,” adds Boodram.

Whether you’ve experienced zombieing firsthand or are supporting a friend navigating this situation, here’s what you should understand about it. Since being zombied can be quite perplexing, we consulted dating experts for actionable advice on how to manage someone who reappears in your life seemingly out of nowhere.

What is zombieing?

Zombieing happens when someone who ghosted you returns, often behaving as if nothing ever transpired.

Giolitti-Wright lists various common examples of zombieing, such as sending you a DM that says, “Hey, how have you been?” or beginning to like your social media activities after months of silence. “It’s perplexing because they vanished without explanation — so why are they back now? Sometimes, it may be a sincere attempt to reconnect, but other times, it just keeps the door ajar without genuine effort,” she points out. “Whether you engage with them again depends on whether they merit a second chance in your life.”

Those at the receiving end of zombieing should be cautious: “Often, zombieing can be even more emotionally draining than ghosting, due to the confusion it brings,” warns Boodram.

Why do people engage in zombieing?

Numerous situations may influence why someone chooses to resurrect a past relationship.

According to Boodram, zombieing serves as an easy method to evade accountability.

“At times, individuals resort to zombieing due to boredom: after losing interest in someone, they might try a new relationship that doesn’t pan out and then look to revive the old one,” she explains. “Other times, they engage in zombieing because they are uncertain about their desires or fear commitment. Regardless, zombieing disregards others’ time and can be frustrating to manage.”

Reiterating this thought, Giolitti-Wright notes that people may resurface out of loneliness, seeking validation, or testing your interest level. “Dating apps and social media facilitate this reappearance with minimal effort, which is why it happens frequently,” she adds, emphasizing that unless they acknowledge their previous disappearance, their return may feel more like a game than a real effort to reconnect.

What should you do if you’re zombied?

Giolitti-Wright advises that if someone who ghosted you shows up again, take a moment to consider: “Are they genuinely interested in making amends, or is it just a desire for attention?” If they fail to address their past ghosting or provide a valid explanation, she believes it’s acceptable to ignore them or establish boundaries.

“Zombieing is exasperating due to its lack of closure, but the silver lining is that you control who you permit back into your life,” she adds. “Be mindful of patterns, trust your instincts, and remember that the right individuals won’t leave you in suspense.”

Boodram adopts a more skeptical viewpoint, reminding us that zombies “aren’t rational or capable of engaging in the kinds of discussions you need.” In fact, imagine attempting to discuss boundaries with a ghost, she jokes. “Once you recognize someone’s pattern, you must detach,” Boodram asserts. “You can inform them that the only way to regain your attention is by taking responsibility for their erratic behavior and committing to a new method of interaction moving forward.”