4 Questions to Determine the Longevity of Your Relationship: Take the Quiz!
Four questions can shed light on a common concern when two people fall in love: Will this relationship endure?
These inquiries can help individuals assess whether they’ve chosen the right partner, according to Jourdan Travers, a licensed clinical social worker in Surf City, New Jersey, and clinical director at Awake Therapy.
The psychotherapist, along with her husband, psychologist Mark Travers, developed these questions by examining research and observing their couples therapy sessions.
“These are aspects people often overlook during the infatuation phase but are crucial for determining if this relationship is worth pursuing,” Jourdan Travers explains to TODAY.com.
“It opens up a dialogue about what they’re seeking and what they may or may not be aware of.”
Here are four questions to consider that can help gauge the strength of your relationship:
If you weren’t a couple, would you still be good friends?
This question assesses how well you understood your partner before your relationship became romantic. If you were friends, you have a deeper insight into their character.
“Friendship plays a vital role in a healthy relationship because no relationship is without challenges,” Travers states.
“There will be highs and lows, but if you were friends first — if you liked them before starting a romantic relationship — it’s likely your relationship has a solid basis.”
If your answer is “no”
Reflect on how you concluded that this person is the right match for you, she suggests.
Was it due to strong attraction? If so, “that chemistry isn’t love — it’s infatuation,” which may be fleeting, Travers cautions.
Did you believe in love at first sight? She describes it as a “fantasy” that might conflict with the realities of everyday life.
“Many people hold unrealistic expectations of how a relationship should feel or appear,” Travers adds.
Do you appreciate who you are when you’re with your partner?
Loved ones can motivate you to grow and evolve in unexpected ways, notes Travers.
This occurs when they show faith in your abilities, offer praise, impart advice, and provide support.
This concept is known as the Michelangelo Phenomenon, named for the renowned Italian artist, where close partners “sculpt each other’s identities” and assist each other in achieving personal goals, as researchers describe.
So, does your partner inspire the best in you?
“Does your partner not only care for you but also support you? Are they kind? Do they provide a reality check? Are they honest with you?” she inquires.
“Healthy partners foster your growth, helping to shape you into a better version of yourself.”
If your answer is “no”
Think about whether you’re with someone who truly cares for your well-being, Travers suggests.
They might be indifferent, critical, or negative, which can lead to you feeling discontented in their presence.
If you knew your partner would never change, would you still want to be with them?
If you can’t accept your partner as they are, recognize that the chances of them changing are slim.
“Some individuals mistakenly believe, ‘I will change them into the perfect partner I envision,’” Travers observes.
“It’s an enticing thought — ‘I possess the ability to change others.’ The reality is that you do not.”
If your answer is “no”
This suggests you may not want to remain in the relationship unless they change, implying that you’ve already determined this may not be the right relationship for you, she remarks.
When you have good news, is your partner the first person you want to share it with?
This is a significant indicator of a healthy relationship, says Travers. You instinctively wish to share joyful news with your partner, enhancing both of your spirits and strengthening your bond, a dynamic referred to as capitalization.
Research indicates that sharing good news with a partner brings benefits such as satisfaction, intimacy, commitment, trust, enjoyment, closeness, and stability.
If your answer is “no”
Ask yourself, “Why not?” Would you prefer to tell a family member instead? Are you confiding in someone else? Travers wonders if a third party might be involved.
What do your answers signify?
If you answered “yes” to all four questions, it suggests you’re on a positive path and this bodes well for the strength of your relationship, Travers notes.
There will still be challenges with your partner — that’s part of life — but you are succeeding in essential aspects.
If you answered “no” to some questions, it opens up opportunities for further discussions.
Responding “no” to all four questions suggests the need for deeper reflection, she advises.
“I wouldn’t affirm that this is an immediate red flag indicating you should leave, but it’s certainly something to contemplate,” Travers states.
“Perhaps you rushed into the relationship, and these are aspects you overlooked when making that choice.”
